I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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