After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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