It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
