I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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