If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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