My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
no, he came in my armpit
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
