Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
