just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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