Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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