My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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