You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize