Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize