Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
