sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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