so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
