I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
