the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
