I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
