no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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