if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
