so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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