It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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