Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
this boner is exhausting
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
