So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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