Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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