the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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