My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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