I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize