Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
