i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
As shirtless as possible
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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