It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
