And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
