I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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