he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
