I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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