look no pants
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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