I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize