You're a womanizer and a bitch.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
i've created a new STD.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
