His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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