I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
