Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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