started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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