oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
