get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
