Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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