Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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