I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
