No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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