I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
