We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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