Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
