I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize