he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
