just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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