Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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