I wish I only lived at night.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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