better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
