It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
