My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
