Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
