Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
