omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he was CRYING into my vagina
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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