Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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