She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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