First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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