just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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