he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i've created a new STD.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
