I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
