all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
